Hey, Ella,
it's Zack from biology.
Yeah, the one who hit you with the spitball.
Well--well, I was aiming at my brother.
[Laughs nervously]
How many is that?
3.
Ohh!
You can do it.
Well, maybe you just need a little inspiration.
4...
5.
Oh. Oh, that?
Yeah, that's just my brother counting off
how many one-arm push-ups I'm doing.
She's not gonna fall for that.
So it's a date, then.
And I know nothing.
10.
[Panting]
Honey, that was my reward.
Well, isn't being a mother reward enough?
I think there's a vending machine in the basement.
Well, if I walk down, I can have two candy bars.
If I walk back up...
I'd better get more quarters.
Zack: Cody, I have a date with Ella this Saturday,
and I need you to go with us.
Oh, no. I know what you're doing,
and I'm not going out with her creepy sister...
Would you ju-- nor her brother...
Or her dog.
Would you relax?
You can go with whoever you want.
Why do I need to go with you at all?
Because I really want to impress Ella.
And no matter what we end up doing,
you just make me look better.
As flattering as that is, I can't.
I've got a study date
with Barbara brownstein.
Well, perfect. You can study on your date.
So, where do you want to take the ladies, then?
How about the library? That's where Barbara and I are going.
Oh, so you like the library.
Well, here's something that's long overdue.
Ow!
I want to take the ladies somewhere cool.
Let's go miniature golfing.
What's so cool about miniature golfing?
"Here, honey. Let me show you how it's done."
Oh, I get it.
[Sniffs]
But you might want to take a shower first.
Must have been all those one-arm push-ups, huh?
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
[Snaps fingers]
Mint me, candy girl.
Ooh, what's that, a book-shaped purse?
No, silly. It's a real book.
I'm reading it for my book club.
"Pride and prejudice"
is a great book.
Well, I'm impressed.
I mean, what inspired you to join a book club?
Well, Tiffany started it.
And everybody who's anybody is in it. I'm not.
Exactly.
There's no way I'm gonna be left out of a club,
even if it means reading some boring old book.
Want to be a part of the lend maddie a million dollars club?
Sorry. I don't get my allowance till next week.
We really should be studying.
Don't worry. Before I left, I slipped some flash cards in my pocket.
Cody, you're so resourceful.
Next!
But...
This pencil is broken.
They're all broken.
Lousy kids.
You know,
your hair looks really pretty
under the glow of the tiki torches.
Thanks.
Wait until you see it blowing under the windmill.
You should see my hair under the windmill.
Yeah. How do you think it got that way?
I heard that.
Don't look her directly in the eyes.
Boy, this looks kind of complicated.
Not really.
All you have to do is look at it like an isosceles triangle
with the giraffe on a line intersecting it diagonally.
Then if you calculate the angle of trajectory,
you should be able to find
the coordinates of the optimal target zone.
I should have brought my protractor.
Oh, I have one.
The angle champ 2000?
I got it for hanukkah.
Zack: Come on, people.
We don't have all day.
Now, putt out.
All right, Ella, let me give you a few pointers
on this hole.
You need to use a light grip.
Like this?
Oh, perfect.
Now, don't worry, babe.
If you miss this hole, I'll give you a do-over.
Oh, yay!
Yeah. Ahem.
Well, it was a hole in one.
[Chuckles nervously]
Well, the first hole is always the easiest.
Ah, yeah.
You want a do-over?
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, you see I'm usually playing on a real golf course,
and I'm used to bigger hippos.
Great shot, Ella.
Well, beginner's luck. Yeah.
[Deadpan] Yeah, great.
Yes!
No!
Yes!
I thought your shift was over, Madeline.
It is,
but I thought I'd stay and do a little inventory.
Couldn't resist listening in
on London's book club, could you?
Oh, I can't help it.
It's just too bizarre.
Ok, everyone, let's get the discussion started.
It's about time.
Can we talk about Paris?
Did you guys see
that hideous pink dress she wore to the gala last night?
It looked like she threw up a flamingo.
They're not even discussing the book.
And you're surprised because?
Tiffany: So...
My daddy's getting me a new car
because some bugs got smashed on the windshield.
See, that's why I don't drive mine. I just take the limo.
All right, guys, enough about fashion and cars.
Let's get serious.
What do you think of my hair?
I am horrified.
Oh, I think her hair looks good.
It's shiny.
Oh, I can't take it any more.
What? Oh, Madeline!
London, did you actually read "pride and prejudice"?
Yes.
Well, what's the main character's name?
Pride?
No. I bet none of you read it.
My Butler read it.
But while he was telling me about it, my cell phone rang.
It was Bradley wiggins.
He's cute.
He's thinking of dumping Allison for me.
No! No!
The purpose of a book club is to read books.
If you want to gossip, maybe you should form a gossip club.
Great! Let's start a gossip club.
Everybody will be talking about it.
Who's in?
No. Put your hands down. You know,
this book would be wasted on you anyway.
Even if you read it, you wouldn't be able to comprehend it
or engage in an analytical discussion.
What is she talking about?
I'm not sure.
But I think she insulted us.
London: We'll prove to you that we can read this book, right, girls?
Yes! Yes!
In fact, we're gonna start right now.
Who's hungry?
Me. Me!
Are you gonna hit the ball or what...
Sweetie?
If she sinks this, it'll be her ninth hole in one.
But who's counting?
They are.
[Applause]
I came here to impress Ella,
and so far, she's beaten me at every hole.
Well, I think she was impressed
by how far you threw your club
after your ball got stuck in the dragon's nostril.
Barbara: Yeah.
It made it to the other side of the highway.
That sucker flew.
Granted that my game has been off,
but I'm gonna own this hole.
You want another do-over?
No, I don't want a stinking do-over.
And I don't need you feeling bad for me either.
Cody: Ok!
I think it's time to tally up.
Ella, it looks like you scored a near perfect game.
[Applause]
Don't you people have something else to do?
Cody: Now let's figure out Zack's score.
75...
Ok, ok. Ella won.
We don't need to hear the rest.
But I wanted to know my score.
That's ok, Cody. I memorized every shot.
You were two above par.
Oh, by the way, Zack.
You shot a 101
not counting the ball you bit in half.
[Laughs nervously]
Woman: You bend it, you buy it!
Lousy kid.
Can you pass me a hard boiled egg?
Cody Martin lines up the putt.
It's a difficult lie.
Can I just have my egg?
There's a slight breeze out of the northwest.
The crowd is hushed.
The crowd is hungry.
It's got a chance.
Somebody's a bad loser.
I got beat by a girl.
It's the most embarrassing thing
that's ever happened to me.
More embarrassing than the time
you were in gym class climbing the rope and your shorts fell off?
That was you.
Look...
I just don't think it's gonna work out with Ella.
Aw. Why? You really liked her yesterday.
Zack's upset because he got creamed by a girl at miniature golf.
Look, I don't mind being beaten by a girl
if it's girl stuff.
Zack, I cannot believe you're being that shallow.
Face it, mom. He's as shallow as a kiddy pool.
At least I'm not afraid to swim in one.
Look, I'm just not gonna go out with Ella again.
But you have to.
Barbara can only go out on group dates.
Her parents don't trust her alone
with a bad boy like me.
Zack, I really think you need to get past your ego
and give this girl and yourself another chance.
You know what? I am gonna give her another chance.
Good idea, mom.
And you're right. I'll call her.
Good.
I'm gonna go for a jog.
I hope that drive-through doughnut shop
will serve me if I'm on foot.
I just hope you don't act like a jerk again around Ella.
No, no. I'm gonna be a perfect gentleman.
And we're going back to putt-putt party,
and I'm gonna politely pummel her to a pulp.
I did it!
I finished reading the book. So there.
I even got a paper cut.
Is that a cashmere bandage?
As opposed to...
Never mind.
So what did you think of the book?
Well, I thought it was a classic tale
of love and misunderstanding
with beautiful scenery and compelling images,
lit beautifully with fine performances by the whole cast.
Ok, you just saw the movie.
I did not! I read the review,
which is reading.
Oh, London,
"pride and prejudice" is wonderful.
It's filled with drama,
despair, romance, passion.
Ooh! It sounds like one of my soap operas.
Exactly.
You see, there are these 5 sisters.
And one of them runs off
with a ne'er-do-well soldier.
Another is in love with a man
who is much richer than she is.
But his sister is trying to break them up.
And the main characters--
Elizabeth and Darcy--
they love each other passionately,
but neither one will admit it.
Out of pride and prejudice?
Yes.
So what happens?
Do they end up together?
You'll have to read the book.
Ow!
Reading is dangerous.
I can do this.
I'm the man.
I'm a golfing God.
Whoa!
I'm in big trouble.
Really, um,
Mr. moseby, I can explain.
There was this--I was...
Oh, heck, just start yelling.
Zack, you golf?
Gee, I was kind of expecting more of,
[imitating British accept] "I want you out of my hotel this instant
you diminutive demon."
I myself am a fan of the game of golf.
I've been playing it since I was no taller than a 7-iron.
Do you know anything about miniature golf?
[Making silly sounds]
Ha! Do I?!
I was a junior putt-putt champion.
Pow. Those other competitors would quake with fear
when they'd see me coming with big beulah.
Was big beulah the name of your club?
Nope. My mother.
Beulah moseby.
That woman is 250 pounds of fire and brimstone,
that and 20 pounds of coffee cake.
So you'll help me?
Mm-mm. Too busy.
Well, you know, if I take up golf,
I'll be out of the hotel more.
Call me coach!
All right, this is your final test.
I have turned the lobby into the ultimate putt-putt hole.
Do you really think I can do this?
Yes, grasshopper.
But only if you believe you can.
I believe I can. I believe I can.
I also believed I could pass history last semester,
and that didn't turn out so well.
Ok, come on over here.
Remember what I taught you, hmm?
Knees bent, back straight,
stomach in, butt out,
eyes down, elbows locked,
wrist cocked, lips pursed,
teeth clenched.
How's this?
Perfect.
Yeah!
Dang, I'm a good coach.
[Laughs]
Ah, you were fine, too.
Ella: Zack...
Let's just have fun tonight, ok?
Oh, it's gonna be fun.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
You again!
Why don't you take her bowling?
See if you can bite that ball in half.
Next!
I don't want to be next.
Gee, Ella, thanks for giving me another chance.
There's no reason to expect
that I'll be any better this time.
Oh, yeah! Hole in one!
Who's laughing now, Mr. hippo?!
All right. Moving on.
But the rest of us haven't shot yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just make it quick.
Oh, yeah! Another hole in one!
♪ Mm, yeah, mm, mm ♪
♪ right there, oh ♪
Who's the man?
All: You da man.
Oh, hey, look at this, Ella.
Even if you scored a hole in zero on this last hole,
you'd still lose.
Great. Why don't I just quit now?
Oh, good idea!
Then you can go home and cry to your mommy
because that's what quitters do.,
you know, Zack, you're what my Uncle vinny from New York would call a...
[Car horn honking]
Boy, Uncle vinny has a way with words.
Hmm...
You know, I never took Ella for a sore loser
she's not a sore loser. You're just a sore winner.
Yeah, well, who needs you guys anyway?
Wow. You're just 18 holes of fun.
Ok, group, we're all gathered here today
to show somebody that we can read a book
and discuss with insight and intellectualocity.
This ought to be good.
I'll start.
"Pride and prejudice" is about a rich man
who marries a poor girl,
which, as we all know, only happens in books.
Ha ha ha! Sorry.
Ignoring that comment, I must admit
I am impressed you guys read the book.
So don't you think Caroline Bingley was a total snob?
Yes! I loved her.
Me, too. Ha ha ha!
I felt bad for her when her brother married beneath him.
But they were in love.
Who cares? That'd be like my brother dating Chelsea.
Oh, ho ho!
Just because my family's yacht is smaller than yours,
you think you're better than me?
Well, yeah.
And by the way,
I did date your brother.
He's an idiot.
Yikes.
Girls, girls, please!
It's ok for rich people to hang out with other people
who have less money than they do.
I mean, I hang out with you guys.
Double yikes.
Well, at least my daddy's not an innkeeper.
Oh! How dare you.
Oops.
Did you just purposely throw tea on my new dress?
Honey, what does it matter?
It's probably a knockoff anyway.
Uh, ladies, shouldn't we get back to the book?
Oops.
I'll have you know I'm too much of a lady to engage
in your low-class behavior.
Ah! Who am I kidding?
Chelsea: Girls, girls.
It doesn't matter what you have in the bank.
All that matters is what you have on your face.
That better be low-fat.
Well, let's ask London.
Oops! Oops!
All right, I'll just be going, then.
[Girls screaming]
What on earth is going on with London's book club?
[Girls speaking excitedly]
Oh, they're having a rousing debate
about classic English literature.
London: Oh, no, you didn't.
I'll pass on the tea.
2, 3...
99...
100.
Hi, mom.
Where are Cody and the girls?
They ditched me
just because I crushed them at mini golf.
But on the bright side,
I proved that a girl beating me was just a fluke.
Well, I hope that was
worth losing your friends.
Look, honey, if you're gonna use
your competitive drive to improve yourself,
that's great.
But if the only thing that matters to you is winning,
well, then you're gonna end up the real loser.
Get it?
Yeah, I get it.
And get this, too.
A girl can do whatever a boy can do.
And we can do it while wearing high heels.
Zack: Oh, hey, guys.
I'm glad you're here.
I wanted to apologize.
Apology not accepted.
Yeah, I couldn't care less.
Ella, I'm sorry I called you a loser.
And you know what? I don't care if you can beat me at miniature golf.
I just care if I can't see you again.
Will you forgive me?
Of course I forgive you, Zack.
Thank you.
By the way, I let you win.
Did not, did you?
Maybe I did.
Maybe I didn't.
Oh, so that's how you want it.
Fine. Best 2 out of 3?
You're on.
Oh, and if you win, it's the best 5 out of 9.
You know what? I think Barbara and I are going
to the library this time.
I'll come with you. There's a pizza parlor on the way.
I took the stairs this morning...
Down.
Cody: Drop it!